Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The following memo was left on the refrigerator under a magnet that read "Cats Forever!":

My dear housekeepers , The canned cat food that I have been served for the last few weeks is not fit for dogs much less the highly refined taste buds of yours truly. Where did you get this tripe. I won't ask what it cost but I cannot believe that any reputable pet store would try to shovel this litter filler off on any discerning cat fanciers. I have taken in consideration your recently strained resources, but this simply cannot continue ! Unless the quality of my food is appreciably increased I shall be forced to vacate the house and upgrade the human housekeepers whom I favor with my presence. Also, the crappy old litterbox I use has to be replaced with a new,
deluxe model and changed daily. And no more disturbing my nap to show me off to your dim-witted friends. If these changes are made I will reconsider my decision. Get on it! Strutz the Cat.
Today is Saint Vinaigrette's Day. It honors Sir Vinaigrette, the knight who slew the last known Dragon and rescued the last known maiden.

All hail the knight,
Who slew the last dragon,
Took his head and left,
His tail wagging.
Now that dragons are no more,
Knighthood is going to be a bore.
No more maidens to rescue from their jaws,
No more peasants to rescue from their claws,
Farewell fearsome dragons!
We knights raise our flagons,
And salute you one last time,
Stalwart beasts of gore and grime
Count Sneaky
on St. Vinaigrette's Day

The Luddite's Ball will be held in conjunction with the Pecadillo's Ball this month and features the Hollow Log Band. It will be held at the Lake Bohemia Pavilion, out where the buses don't run.
Meet me tonight in Dreamland. Happy Hour is 9pm 'til 9am
The Cotillion for Debutantes with Intellectual Pretentions was held in the
Soda City Library and all had a fine time and the discussions entre-dances
were very well rehearsed and focused.
Current read: Solving Pest Problems by James G. Buckstopper, Frog Hair Press, 2009. 198 pages. Now, what I'm wondering is : Why should we solve problems for pest? Let the little buggers do it themselves.
How to stay fit: Eat cumquats three times a day and do
fifty reps of diddly-squats.
Left to himself...a hermit will generally be left to himself. Pinkam's Law.
Worm wrestling is a rapidly growing underground sport.