My thanks to Dave Hambidge (hambocentral.blogspot.com) for including

me in his e-book, Blogging for Newbies, as one of the

"Best of the Newer Fiction Blogs."

The Count is honored.

Oh, dress my lady in puce and green,

Give her a mirror and watch her preen.

She's adorable in her glitz and glitter,

And extremely proficient in Twitter.

Count Sneaky

MONIQUE

Lovely Monique had a physique,

Everyone thought came from a boutique,

So, she decided to show them all,

And that Fall came to the Ball,

Wearing nothing

At all.

Count Sneaky

MOVE OVER, ROVER!

Don't fret, don't fuss, don't even cuss.

Your house is big enough for both of us!

I know its your domicile,

But it's only for a while.

Until she gets over her hissy fit,

You and I, Pal, will just sit.

***

When you get thrown out the door,

It's nice to own a big Labrador.

So, move over, Rover.

Move over, Friend!

Tomorrow, we will be back in the den

***

Count Sneaky

"What would I do with a piece of your mind?

***

"Well, Kemo Sabe, What do we do now!"

***

"Oh! Be still my beating heart!"

***

"If beauty is only skin deep, how deep

does it need to go?"

***

"A fool and his money will have a good time!"

***

"If you are a few bricks short of a load,

don't take the truck out of the brickyard!"

***

"Of course you don't need a nose job...

it works doesn't it?"

***

"Do you know anyone who has never stuck

a Q-Tip in his ear!"

***

"The early bird still has to eat worms!"

***

"Taco Bell is suing a rival for copyright

infringement to get its ding dong back!"

***

"Two wrongs don't make a right,

but sometimes they make a maybe!"

***

"Is there anything men can't do working

together? Yeah. They can't read a manual!"

***

"Politics is the art of possibly doing

the possible if possible!"

***

"Do not live in a glasshouse if you are

a stone's throw from your neighbor!"

***

"My ancestors came on over the

Mayflower...in the brig!"

***

"You spent a mountain of money

to buy a molehill!"

***

"Wooda, coulda, shoulda...didya?"

***

"Go talk to Rover...You're sleeping

in his house tonight!"

***

Diana, Princess of Wales

My asters are disasters.

My lillies aren't dillies.
My daffodills hold no thrills.
I look at the gladioli and just sigh.
My wisteria has diptheria.

If it gets any worse,
It'll be the curse,
That comes down,
When a green thumb turns brown.

Count Sneaky

Bless my rusty dusty, Father,

For I have sinned,

I wet my crib after,

My diaper came unpinned.

***

I know I'm a lot of bother,

An' create a lot of trouble,

'Cause I just lay here,

An' goo-goo an' bubble.

***

But, I'll get bigger,

An' make plenty of money,

Meantine, you and mom,

Just call me Honey.

Count Sneaky

STRUTZ'S NEW HOME.

Hi Count. I'm sending along a picture of my new home. I'm

somewhere in Indiana in a rather medium-sized city.

My big rig trucker buddy stopped at "Big Phil's" Truck

Haven, and I liked what I saw here. I hated to leave my trucker

buddy because I had ridden shotgun with him for weeks looking

for I found here. I had listened to all his stories, all his women

problems,and anything that crossed his mind from cussing

other drivers to singing along with his country music CDs.

He fed me well and scratched my head...he was my "buddy"

and I hated to leave him and "Madelaine," his big-rig truck's

name, but I saw these houses on the hill a few blocks away.

My trucker buddy had just ordered his meal and I was sitting

on the restaurant's window waiting on him. So, I took off to

check out the houses and after a quick run I was there. Wow!

The Jackpot! Details to follow.

THIS MONTH IN HISTORY

In 1513, the Spanish explorer, Ponce de Leon, cruised up

and down the Florida coast looking for promising

sites to establish gated communities, retirement

villages, oceanfront condos, and strip malls.

C.S.

****************************************************

There was a lovely lass from Dorset,

Who cinched up her corset,

Buttoned her dress again,

Tied her bonnet under her chin,

And said, "Love, let's do it again!"

C.S.

*****************************************************

Touch us gently, Time!

We've not proud nor soaring wings:

Our ambition, our content,

Lies in simple things.

Bryan Waller Proctor