Count Sneaky's Electric Notebook

PONDERING THE POOCH...

Here's a thought, borrowed of course, but nevertheless,
rather beguiling. Consider this little prayer quoted by E. Tolle:

"O Lord, help me to make myself into the person
that my dog thinks I am!"

Nice! Of course, if you're a cat fancier...well, a cat looks at you
and sees central heating and air conditioning, a quiet, safe,
place to nap, and a steady supply of nutrition. Understandable,
if not particularly inspiring. Rover, on the other hand,
would accompany Atilla the Hun and pillage with him
without a second thought.
The Count has no desire to start an argument with dog or cat
lovers. He has had several of both animals in his long life and
and knows well the fun and comfort they both can bring to their
owners. Well, actually, cats don't have owners...they merely
favor you with their presence as long as it's in their interest.
The pooch, on the other hand, made a wrong turn at the last
universe and thinks you are God.

We shall not mention birds, snakes, ferrets, and other pets which have their own partisans and perhaps their own virtues; but they can not

hold a candle to the sheer numbers of Man's Best Friend and Man's

Best Freeloader. The Pooch and The Mooch! OK! Just kidding.

Think about it. You are worthy of unconditional love and conditional

love... just like real life and as long as you think so too, you are spared

many self-destructive feelings and emotions. Give them a treat and a

pat on the head from the Count.

Alright, suppose you're a cat fancier and your love is a dog lover...

what then, Oh, Sneakaroo? Well, perhaps you both should look into

compromising on a bird, snake, ferret, or, perhaps fish! How romantic;

watching a tank of Guppies blow bubbles. Calm down fish fanciers;

just having a little fun.

A Couple Of Pet Lover Bumper Strips:

1. MY DOG CAN LICK ANYONE!

2. MY CAT JUST BIT YOUR HONOR STUDENT!

Miscellaneous Notes________________________

1. Frogs have no ribs.

2. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

They don't need to!

3. A moose is a tall cow with funny horns.

4. Why do they call skunks: polecats? They

aren't cats and they can't climb poles.

5. After I got my ducks in a row... someone

starting shooting at them!

6. The most difficult problem Mother Nature

had to work out was porcupine love.

7. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear...

but you can make a sow very mad!

8. Our parrot is in love with a duck. He keeps

squawking, "Polly want a quacker!"

9. Cross a Poodle with a Springer Spaniel and

you get a Poodlejumper.

10. Monkey see...monkey do...just like me...

just like you!

11. Owning your own groundhog is probably

not a good idea.

12. The minutes from the last meeting of the

Society for the Preservation of Extinct

Species were misplaced.

13. To cows nothing is quite as cool as a

pasture dance!

14. A fashion designer is someone who

would put zippers on a marsupial.

Now for the children. A little of the Count's

Hair of the Doggerel That Bit You:

When lions eat grass,

What'll come to pass?

When polar bears turn red,

What more can then be said?

When cats learn to fetch and heel,

How'll we ever know how they feel?

When pigs learn to fly,

What'll we do with the sty?

When turtles lose control,

Do they slowly rock and roll?

When dogs learn to rollerskate

Will it affect my insurance rate?

Love me - love my dog,

But what if I have a hog?

Would you be mine,

If I gave up my swine?

C.S.

The Count would like to remind you that this site

is a total mess and is always under construction.

Just step over things and send along any suggestions

and comments you deem appropriate. The Count

graciously welcomes them all. To paraphrase

Ambrose Bierce , "Politeness is quite acceptable

hypocracy and badly needed today!"

Now, to bring you up to date on Aristotle the gorilla

for those who asked (both of you.):

The Soda City Sentinel reports that Aristotle the 650lb.

gorilla (Hereabouts, he is known as "Aristotle the ape,"

after an imbroglio at the home of Buster Inabinet, was tranquilized

and returned to his home at the Harwell Zoo and Animal Farm.

He was greeted by his mate Zelda, with a newborn on each

breast, with a right cross followed by a left hook. Crestfallen, he

retired to his corner and stroked his chin trying to figure out the

events of the past day. He paused in his meditation long enough

to direct a few hand gestures to the zoo visitors. His antics have

increased zoo attendance by 500% and the handlers have increased

the hunt for a new mate. Zelda seems quite happy with her twins

and they are a great new attraction also. The Zoo Direct, Herb

Pintail, sees a banner year ahead for the attraction which started

out in 1978 as a roadside snake show featuring Mozart, a seven-foot

Reticulated Python with a bad birthmark.

Herb reminds us that is correct to refer to a neutered poodle

as a "noodle."

Now, A little more of the Count's doggerel for the little ones:

Hickeyjiggers make good pets.

They are caught without nets.

They require little care,

And are very, very rare-

Their numbers are few to none,

So, the trick is finding one!

C.S.