Sunday, February 22, 2009


In 1563 dancing bears were taught to do the tango.
They were never quite able to do it well, and the
practice was abandoned in royal courts by 1575
when the bears unionized and were sold to gypsies
who taught them, quite sucessfully, to do the
fandango! They adapted to caravan life and can still
be found in remote corners of Europe and Asia
where they now do the Texas two-step and the
Viennese Waltz .

IN AN EFFORT TO PROVIDE Social graces and
a little enjoyment in these hard times, the Count
publishes the secret of doing the WALTZ:

1. Grip. (when the music starts.) Dip, then Trip,
1 and 2, Dip, then Trip, 1 and 2... and repeat until music stops.
Look into her eyes and try to convince her you aren't
really the Dip you seemed to be.

A little, very late, breaking February news that is.
Punxsutawney Phil
went over the hill,
Refused to predict the weather.
Said Channel 4 could do it better!
Weatherman Bill
Was brought into fill,
But he quit too,
For a post at Channel 2.
Remember, if the groundhog sees his shadow it means six more
weeks of weather reports from the Weather Channel.
Sadly, the Soda City Sentinel reported this week that
Bo Cooterhugger died this week. He was the first in the county
to rediscover the lost art of making Swamp Dew, a very potent form
of moonshine that had thought to be a forgotten process.
He was buried Tuesday at Sunset Memorial Park, his body
in one coffin and his liver in another. He will be missed.
The Soda City Genetic Research Foundation reported this week that its studies revealed that webbed feet are an inherited mutation in families
that eat frog legs more than three times a week. "Further studies are
required to establish a definitive link" said Dr. Fletcher Firewall.
The Soda City Sentinel reminds you that while "Necessity" may be the
mother of invention, "Advertising" is its father.
The Immortal Mark Twain once observed:
"What sir, would the people of the earth be
without women? They would be scarce, sir,
almighty scarce!"

1 comment:

Charles H said...

Dear your honor, or your royalty, or however you address a Count. Although I know you are of royal blood I am absolutely mesmerized by the absolute incredulity of your range of mental gymnastics. In other words, it blows my mind. The low key humor and and wildly expansive range of subjects is amazing. Although you might not appreciate the connection your humor reminds me of the NPR programs "Wait, wait, don't tell me" and "Prairie Home Companion". Maybe it could be called "laughing outside the box". Keep us laughing Count, (or at least smiling).
Charles H