A man named Chad arranged a tryst,

With a lady who had never been kist.

She resisted his advances,

Which reduced her chances,

Of ever living in sweet marital blyst.

Count Sneaky

SERENADE

Sailing on a cappucino sea,

In a lovely chocolate mocha ship.

Drop anchor in Cocoa Bay,

Put in a straw for a long sweet sip,

And drink your troubles away.

***

Count Sneaky

While visiting in Argentina,

A fellow bought a concertina.

He played it well,

But, his wife said,

"You shoulda bought a vacuum cleaner!"

Count Sneaky

GLAMOR

There was a lady named Druscilla,

Of glamor she had only a scintilla,

But, she made up her mind,

Put her dreams behind,

and settled for plain vanilla.

Count Sneaky

AS LITTLE GIRLS SEE LITTLE BOYS

They're made vicious,

And totally malicious,

With nasty tongues,

And very big lungs,

Topped off with a grin,

Wicked as any 'ol sin.

Count Sneaky

Senior Moments

"Stop yelling, 'DAMAGE REPORT!', every time the grand kids leave!"

***

"Of course it's not your size, Maude. They don't make your size!"

***

"You're down to your last marbles, Earl. Don't push it!"

***

"It's fat-free, no cholesterol, and no calories. Don't ask what it is!"

***

"My daddy says that when he was a boy, you were a young man.

Is that true, Grandpa?"

***

"Same old same old, Earl. But, I think you will be intrigued

by its piquant bouquet and slightly fruity taste!"

***

"I've done the big five oh! I've done the big six oh! Now, I'm working

on the big OH NO!

***

"Dinner will be ready shortly. There's just enough time to mow

the lawn; trim the hedges; carry out the trash; and fix that leaky faucet."

***

"No, Maude, I am not going to stop and ask for directions...what

difference does it make WHERE we're going!"

***

Count Sneaky

COUNT SNEAKY'S RUMINATIONS...

1. I make it a rule never to boldly go where no man has gone

before.

***

2. Funny, I don't remember collecting $2oo as I went past go

***

3. Every day is a new opportunity to screw things up.

***

4. Life IS worth living! In fact, that's the only way it can be done!

***

5. If your life resembles a garbage dump,

just think of it as an environmentally-sound landfill.

***

6. I had a kit and caboodle...until I misplaced the caboodle.

***

7. Fortunately, growing up has its own compensations,

although I can't think of any.

***

8. Thanks to Prozac my head is in a better place where

it can't do any harm.

***

9. If opportunity knocks, it's probably selling something.

***

10. Nobody said life was fair or easy, but it comes

with a lifetime guarantee.

***

Count Sneaky